who the hell are you to save me?

i've spent my entire life not listening to advice. for nearly 16 years i lived by no rules, and i've been allowed to pretty much do whatever i want and wear whatever i like and just run wild. i have been under zero control. zero rules. zero supervision.

and all that has made me pretty damn responsible, i should think. if not responsible, then mature. if not mature, then stubborn. whatever. take your pick, i don't give a shit. and i don't feel like i'm turning 16. frankly i feel like i'm turning ... 28. i dunno why 28 just popped up into my mind but wtf, yes, i feel damn bloody old for my age. too bloody old.

so i'm sorry i just can't get used to everyone talking about my dressing and my attitude and my penchant for doing shit that i'm not supposed to do. and nobody shall set rules for me NOW, not after listening to other people, no.

but hell i think i've behaved myself damn well this year.

and i deserve a break.

...

and i should go to sleep now wtf.


edit:

is it cheating if you do something without realizing what you're doing at the time? is it considered cheating if you didn't mean the words that escaped your lips, the actions you made without registering your impulses with your brain beforehand? if you got drunk and ended up in someone else's bed? if someone else kissed you and for a few seconds you shared the kiss and then pushed them away? for that few seconds though .. is that considered cheating?

it's hard work pretending to be happy. i'm fucking exhausted.

at some point along the way i gave up. or maybe i've been giving up little by little from the beginning. but does it really matter anymore?

anyway i have like nothing much to blog about cos my head is empty and my heart is healing except i'm discovering like, i don't eat as much as i used to; i think i don't like food anymore. or maybe i still do, but i'm just taking out all my frustrations to my food, so now food turns me off. and people who keep asking me why i don't eat so much anymore turns me off too. i mean jesus christ who cares if i eat or not, i'm not fucking anorexic.

Survey. Bedtime.

Do you have any rituals before going to bed? talking to my baby syg :)
Do you shower before bed? or when you wake up? both!! i am a shower freak.
Do you HAVE to take any sleeping pills? i don't have to. but i just do.
Do you nap during the day time? not anymore.
Do you dream in color? i never really remember.
Do you remember your dreams or have repeat dreams? i rmb my dreams, but i get repeat dreams too. is that weird?
What thread count sheets do you use? wtf?
Do you make your bed daily? no. erm who does?
How many pillows do you sleep with? three.
Do you have to have total darkness or does a night light bother you? darkness :)
Can you wake up on time without an alarm? nope.
Do you sleep alone? yes. i wanna sleep with baby :(
Do you go to bed at the same time every night? noooo. i wish i do. then i'd finally have a proper sleeping pattern.
What size bed do you sleep in? single, i guess.
Do you prefer silence or background noise like a fan? i don't really give a shit.
Are you scared of the dark? not exactlyyyy. should i be??? :(
Should you be sleeping right now instead of taking this survey? yes i really do think so.
Do you snore? jesus no!
If someone is snoring and you are trying to sleep, does it bother you? hell yes. i will never ever be able to sleep with a snorer. ill just suffocate him with a pillow. grrrr rawr!!

"Find it in your heart to reach me, promise not to leave me behind."

"I'm sick of picking the pieces and second-guessing my reasons; why don't you trust me? why must we do this to one another? We are just passionate lovers with trouble under the covers. Nothing worse than when you know that it’s over."

"Every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking: "Why does this happen to me? why does every moment have to be so hard?""

"Everyday, with every worthless word we get more far away. The distance between us makes it so hard to stay."

"Built a wall around my heart. I'll never let it fall apart. But strangely I wish secretly it would fall down while I'm asleep."

"You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together. I've lick my wounds but I can't ever see them getting better."

"So you sitting all alone. You're fragile and you’re cold, but that's all right. They've knocked you down and beat you up. But it's just a rollercoaster anyway."

i am sooo sure that i'm watching way too many movies this year.

i've watched four movies in the last 7 days!! :D i am a super movie freak. (High School Musical 2 is a movie, right? no matter how senile?)

1st movie: High School Musical 2, but of course.




rated U. for all. like duh.

High School Musical (HSM) returns with more fun more songs and more laughter for tween/teens worldwide! uh huh ... right, whatever. *blows fingernails.* personally i don't think Zac Efron, who plays Troy Bolton is all that hot. but Corbin Bleu (Chad Danforth), omg that boi is hot. Vanessa Anne Hudgens is alright, too much goody two shoes drama. Ashley Tisdale's character Sharpay was toooo much like Paris Hilton.

the whole movie was just okay. the plot outline? school lets out and summer breaks out. Sharpay makes sure Troy gets a job at her country club. in return Troy gets everyone else a job there too, because it's gonna be the Wildcat's ultimate summer together and bla bla. anyway, Troy is then introduced to Sharpay's parents and realizes that Sharpay can land him many opportunities and even a basketball scholarship. meanwhile, Chad is worried that Zac will forget his friends. Gabriella feels as though she is losing Troy to Sharpay, and they break up. in the end, Troy will have to learn how to think about his scholarship without losing his friends.

i only liked the slow songs.


2nd Movie: Rush Hour 3.




rated U.

Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan star in this movie that i was supposed to watch waaaay before this. it was funnnnnieeeee :D i like.

okay okay okay QUOTES! teehee.

Detective James Carter: We need to get her to relax.
Chief Inspector Lee: Maybe we should put on a dirty movie.
Detective James Carter: Lee!
Chief Inspector Lee: only $9.95.


Genevieve: *while making out in bed* I've never been with an American man before.
Detective James Carter: neither have i!!


Chinese bad guy: [shouts at Carter in French]
Detective James Carter : [to Lee] What the hell is that?
Chief Inspector Lee: I think he's speaking French.
Detective James Carter: You Asian, stop humiliating yourself!


3rd Movie: Rogue Assassin



rated 18 and above.

this movie is known as War in other countries, and Rogue in Singapore. pls don't ask me why. Jet Li stars as Rogue, Jason Statham as jack Crawford. Devon Aoki is Kira. John Lone is Chang. etc etc. anyway this is one helluva good movie. i though it was Chinese, but it's mostly just revolves around 2 big Japanese triads fighting over some dynasty heirloom. and an assassin named Rogue. and Crawford, this seemingly good cop who would do anything to get revenge on Rogue, because he's under the impression this Rogue dude killed his best friend three years ago.

but things aren't what they seem to be.

4th Movie: Knocked Up.



rated 18 and above.

i saw this movie yesterday and wow i'm totally blown away. from the creators of 40 Year Old Virgin, i mean, even though i didn't watch that movie, i know that i can't miss this one. it's been so long since a romantic comedy came out!

and i didn't know Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy stars here! yesss! i was kinda pleasantly suprised :) this is one good movie. very very good movie. Allison goes out clubbing one night with her sister Debbie to celebrate her promotion at E! channel, and there she stumbles into Ben Stone and they end up drunk and have a one night stand. 8 weeks later, she finds out she is pregnant.

okay this part really damn scary larh for me, i mean seriously wtf wei, unplanned pregnancy, that is just terrifying :(

anyway. she decides to keep the baby and she calls Ben up, and they give their relationship a shot, but it's hard cos they're just two very different people, and they disagree about everything and fight like all the time.

wow i feel so in touch with this movie. i dunno why. and it's funny, too. really, it is. there's like all this one-liners and stuff, and like how Debbie plays the overprotective mother who doesn't want her kids to know about sex and where babies come from.

Su Ann likes this movie! :D

Raven Club went down in history last night as being The Place for Best Sisterhood Moments :)

so this is how it is - i don't really like places like Raven. not really. hell i barely liked Thai Club. and Aloha sucked for me. Beach Club Cafe was boring. call me stereotypical - but i try very hard to stay clear from places that plays chinese trance/techno tracks.

butttttttttt when you're stuck at home, nothing to do, and you haven't seen your sister in ages, and she calls you out, you definitely would go.

i'm glad i went :) seriously. i'm sooo omfg glad that i went. i know my boyf is angry about it, but hunny i said i'm sorry ... i had to go. i don't regret going.

it was probably the first time i didn't even touch my drink. i didn't even step into the toilet to vomit out all the alcohol, like i always do. i didn't check my reflection at all. i didn't touch up my eyeliner or eyeshadow or lip gloss. and you know what - i wore that red zip-up sweater over my clothes the whole night.

lis and me were dancing at first, then after awhile, jason brought us out, and we spent like, an hour sitting outside on the stair steps, just talking. it was the first time my sister hugged me like that, and it was the first time we had such an honest-to-God long conversations.

:) she also told me not to blog about all this, only to write sweet stuff.

when she was always around the house, we fought all the time, and we didn't really understand each other. but when she left, i cried a lot. it was so hard, cos like, i'm suddenly the big sister, and how am i supposed to handle all that? how am i supposed to step into her shoes? i'm not as pretty as she is, i'm not as thin as her. my parents love her the most.

when i was growing up, i always felt like i wasn't as good as her, so i resented her only a little.

but i cried a lot when she left. in school, in the CC, at home. whenever people mention her name. whenever i pick up the phone and the person on the other line asks to speak to her. whenever something bad happens to me and i feel down, and then i remember she's not around, and then all the small bad things pile up into one big evil thing, and the tears start pouring.

i miss her all the time. for an english exam last year, the title was something stupid and cheesy like Your Role Model in 350 words, and almost everyone wrote about like, their mom, or their dad, or Christiano Ronaldo, but i wrote about her. and i'm so proud of that essay, because it came from the heart. i know lots of people think she's a bad influence, but i don't care. i trust her.

omg i can't believe i'm tearing a little.

last night we talked about a lot of stuff. and i got myself a 'kai gor.' or, big brother, or godbrother, or whatever. so people, don't bully me, cos i'll get jason L to totally kick your skinny asses! :P that's what he told me. he said he sayaaaang me like his own sister, and he said he and lis worry about me all the time. then he said, "if anyone gives you a hard time, give me a call and i'll take care of it, just like that indian dude last year."

and then we laughed, and i was remembering how jason punched my ex in the playground. God that was classic. and we all got into a big group hug :)

they gave a lot of advice, but unlike other people, they don't force-feed me to follow. and i love them for that. lis said they're gonna get married in a few years. at a beach, maybe. i went like, "and we'll all wear bikinis! ;)"

then they both hugged me and ruffled my hair.

i asked jason, while i was hugging my sister, "hey, don't we look alike?" he smiled and said yeah. people always tell me i look like my sister. they don't say things like, you got your dad's dimple, or your mom's complexion. they always, always say, you look like lisa.

well she's actually prettier than i am, but i'm still taller! :P

then she kinda scolded me, she was like, "you ah, you don't look like 16 at all. everywhere i bring you, people think you're 19, 20." then i told her, it's because i'm pretty like you. and i kissed her cheeks :)

she told me about a lot of stuff, about her work, college, jason. i know it's hard, but i also know she's happy. i can tell that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have changed anything. i don't hate her for leaving. i never did. deep down i knew, if i were her, i would have done the same thing.

people were trying to make her come back, but i didn't bother much. i knew that she would not change her mind. i knew that she had already made up her mind, i knew that she didn't just pack up and checked into some room one day, i knew she thought about leaving for a long while, she had already planned it for some time.

how the hell do i know all this?

because i'm her sister, and the same goddamn blood runs in our veins.

in many ways i'm just like her. or maybe she's just like me. we're both stubborn, and rebellious. we hate being controlled. we have to experience things for ourselves, and not just listen when people say this is bad, and that's not good, blah blah. we're strong .. or maybe she's the one who's strong; i just think i'm strong, but underneath it all i crumble easily. i'm just too proud to let people know i'm not that strong after all.

sigh.

okay, this is getting too long-winded. i tried looking for a picture of me and lis, but don't have :( why like this??? actually got lah but we both look shitty.



that's her, and in this picture she's holding ... erm, i dunno who's kid. i think my aunty was that little girl's babysitter. we were in ipoh at that time, visiting relatives.

so you see, my sister's really pretty. this pic was taken early this year. she's got straightened red hair now, around that same length. do i look like her? i've got a rounder face, that's all, i think. and her dimple is deeper. and she doesn't even have to wax or shave her legs at all. and she's got fairer skin and nicer legs.

okay eeeeeeeeeeee so unfair why am i so ugly :( *sniff sniff*.

i love ya sis! :)

Happy 50th Merdeka everyone.

yes, it's our country's 50th year of independence. woo hoo. yeah, whatever. it means nothing to me. i wasn't even alive fifty years ago, thank god, because then i'd be like, fifty years old today or something. ... okay. whatever. besides it seems totally fake and phony to jump up and down in joy, like as though i knew exactly how it felt like to be ruled by the Japanese people or British troupe or whoever.

you know what the Eve of Merdeka really meant to me, though?

one year and a month with the boyf. yeah i know damn self-centered right haha.

i've never really celebrated merdeka. like, what's the point? firecrackers and Tanggal 31 songs blaring on radio and Merdeka sales. big deal.

why do we love Malaysia? and yeah i know you love this country, i know you do, and you know you do too, deep down inside, because Malaysia has great food 24/7 and Pulau Redang is really pretty. because this is the place where most people can speak more than 3 languages and hey, we have Manglish. because Malaysia is multi-racial and Yasmin Ahmad makes great films. because we like to make fun of all the stupid Mat Rempits and their stupid clothes and stupid attitude.

but come on. is this all we can boast about after 50 years of independence?

i love this place, it's where i grew up. but i truly believe our education system sucks and although we live in a so-called muhibbah country, everyone is a closet racist. and all the double standards for that particular main race, come on, how come the other races don't deserve the same treatment? is it because we/our ancestors haven't worked hard enough for this country's progress?

bullshit.

well whatever.

i'm not gonna try writing serious stuff cos i'm just tired of all that crap. i'm just tired, period.

on a lighter note, i finally got to sleep till eleven this morning :D yay finally!! my sleep timing has been totally screwed after 8 long months of waking up at 6:30AM every monday to friday for school. now even on weekends i wake up early -___-

i was at Times Square yesterday after school, and i watched Evan Almighty and Ratatouille back to back.

Evan Almighty, sigh, what can i say, pls don't bother. Bruce Almighty was like, ten times funnier. E.A. is just a sad excuse for a sequel. there ARE funny stuff, but few and far between, and the jokes are just strained. the whole movie has this dried-up vibe around it. i don't even know why it's rated 18-and-above, nobody even says the word fuck, and there's like no sex at all. yeah i know, totally unbelivable.

Ratatouille was alright. ... actually you know what, i was so bored i could've fell asleep. but it was too cold. anyway, cooking fans would enjoy this movie. rodent-loving people would love this animation. and seeing as i'm like neither a fan of one nor the other, it was just an okay movie.

god what's up with all these sucky movies.

...

merdeka this year kinda sucked majorly, in every sense of the word. i'm not feeling patriotic at all. what i'm feeling is this strange loneliness, and what i'm noticing is this half-eaten bar of Kit Kat, one of Amy Tan's books lying on the desk, and the fact that i have to top up real soon. i'm not eating proper meals because i have zero appetite for breakfast lunch dinner supper whatever, and instead, i junk on chips and chocolates and cookies all day long, even when i'm not hungry. isn't that gonna like, make me fat or what?

and for some reason, i want my long hair back. now. right now.

i'm also freaking out for SPM. because i know shit about physics, chemistry, add maths. hell i can't even compose nice karangans anymore :( God, where have my writing talents gone???

... yeah.

happy fucking 50th merdeka.

okay.

so like by now everyone probably already knows, because i waited one whole week to blog this up, but wtf la i'm gonna do it anyway :)





lookie! I CUT MY HAIR!!!





and .. IT'S SO OMFG SHORT NOW!!!





the reason why i waited one whole week to blog about this is because i was aiming for the suprise factor for the boyf. cos he was like in australia and all, so when he gets back i wanted to give him the biggest shock of .. of the past two weeks at least hahaha.

i did my hair last tuesday. and i was soooo scared you know i kept thinking to myself WTF AM I DOING :'(

.. i had bad, no wait, more like borderline on traumatic haircut experiences in the past larh ok. i mean, how many times have you walked into the saloon and your hairdresser ends up cutting your hair too short or too fcking ugly or too WAAAAAAY different from what you expected??





eww okay how come my bones are showing on my chest??





you know what, i think my best physical feature is my hand. no, my fingers. ... no, my fingernails, actually. and i just realized how sad that is :'(














aaaaand .. i was scared people might give me crap about my new look but so far so good. i mean, nobody said i look like shit or anything. positive/neutral feedback all the way :P

plus the boyf likes it :)

i kinda miss having long hair though. it'll be ages before i can flip my hair back again.

WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY HOLIDAYS??

school starts again tomorrow!! :'(

oh gawd.

i'm neaaaarly done with my fugged up add maths folio, but i'm still not sure i can hand it in tomorrow, besides my teacher probably thinks i'm already too much of a failure to give me extra time.

think about it okay guys - in every folio i've done since primary school, in the Appreciation aka Acknowledgement page, i've always always always written "First and foremost I, Ng Su Ann from Class yada yada would like to take this opportunity to thank my subject teacher, Mrs Blah Blah for her support and guidance in the fucking tedious process of making this fugged up folio which will end up in the trash once my honourable teacher is done marking this 20+ pages, a collective waste of trees."

or something like that larh okay. my point is, i'm not sure why i always thank the teachers, when in fact everything they've done for me as a student is about as significant as drying their nails. which is, not helpful at all. but it's like they're always telling us to thank the teachers, and put their names in the first paragraph, and THEN only proceed to thank our friends and family.

BUT i see no logic in that whatsoever.

because the only people who actually helped me whenever i'm doing folios are the people i've copied from. and maybe my parents, for supplying me with lots of pretty marker pens and computer and printer and printer ink and colorful papers.

and wow i just remembered that for my PMR folios, i had to thank my headmistress in my appreciation page. wtf right. like, what has SHE done?? i might as well thank my pink flip flops for all the significance it makes.

i guess we have to suck up to the teachers, because they're the ones grading the folio after all. *roll eyes*

and my printer just decided to run out of INK goddamnit :'(

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEE??

and and and i haven't done Mr. N's english essays, and i haven't done my EST research, and i haven't washed my school shoes (since i bought them early this year hahahaha), and i haven't sew my name tag on my school uniform.

wtf yes my school does spot checks for name tags.

-_____-

okay i'm gonna shower and sleep who gives a shit about add maths anymore la pls i'm so fucking tired already you know.

you know what? i'm gonna have to save up at least rm500 by december.

for a tattoo.

god i hope i can save up by december.

yeah i'm not joking about this, i'm really gonna get one and nobody's stopping me. i haven't talked to my parents about it ... yet. they're okay with my seven ear piercings and one belly button ring, but i still don't know how to tell them, hey, imma getting myself a tattoo, dawg.

but it's okay. my parents are pretty lenient with me - they let me do whatever i want, and if i fall i gotta get up myself. they let me learn from my own mistakes.

when i was younger i thought my parents didn't love me as much as they love my sisters, so i was an angry kid, and i always rebelled against the system. still do, come to think about it. and i was sooo stubborn and i gave everyone such a hard time. goddamnit why was i such a difficult kid?? hehe, but anyway, i was never close to my family, because i felt like the black sheep all the time, so i did my own stuff, and at a very young age i was already pretty responsible for myself i think.

at a very young age, i was already as mature as my older sister. maybe even more.

i used to resent my parents for not praising me for the stuff i did well. like my results. i was the top student but i never seemed to get any form of acknowledgement at all. they never attended my prize-giving award days. they never showed much reaction.

i started fighting back when i was like, thirteen. i would scream and shout and say things at my parents that i knew would hurt. then i'd lock myself in the bathroom and never come out till i got tired of crying and went to bed to sleep. i wouldn't speak to my parents for daaaays. and when i did, my lines would be dripping with cold indifference and pricky sarcasm. and i would just walk out of the house without saying a word.

looking back, i think i did all that just to get attention. it didn't really work.

but as time passed, i realized i was lucky to have parents like mine. other kids can't even step outside the compounds of their house. other kids aren't allowed to have boyfriends. other kids don't have much freedom.

so i stopped screaming so much, and i started being grateful. and you know, i do love my family. very much. i'm glad my parents brought me up the way they brought me up. i think lots of people think my parents are over lenient, but i honestly think they should all just shut the fuck up.

i hate it when people ask me, "don't your parents care about you at all?"

of course they do. they care in their own unique way. they're just teaching me to rely on myself, to be independent. they've peppered me with just the right amount of pessimism and negativity so i wouldn't go trusting everyone in the world.

i think i'm growing faster than i should. but then again, fast is relative. growing up is a personal experience, everyone takes their own time coming out of their safe little cocoon.

everyone runs the race at their own pace.

i'm just a little faster, that's all. it doesn't make me different. a tattoo isn't a big deal.

right now, my house is a dream come true for junkfood lovers, such as myself :)

went to the hypermarket with mummy earlier, after dropping my younger sis off at some birthday party with some parental supervision at some Pizzahut wtf (but then i guess they're only eleven year olds after all), and as usual our shopping trolley had only junkfood packed to the brim.

so now i've got lots of Oreos :D, Twisties, Julie's Peanut Butter Cookies (one heck of a serious gem), Pringles, Toblerone choc, lots and lots of Kit Kats, Chipsmore, hi-fibre low-salt biscuits hahaha, BBQ Chachos, Nutella (i eat them straight off the jar), teddy biscuits (hahaha i only bought them cos saktia would love them), fat free yogurt .. ok wtf why would i buy anything fat free.

but i know this heaven won't last long. it'll probably only last for like five farking days actually.

anyway, i was squatting down choosing black hair dye and i thought my mom was away searching for hair shampoo, when suddenly she came up from behind and asked what i'm doing with hair dyes.

oopsie.

so i told her my godawful school and the godforsaken discipline teachers keep picking on my about my hair colour, so i have to keep dyeing my hair black.

and then, right, my mom looked at me, at my hair, and then she was like, "what are you talking about? pls la, your hair is fine. what's wrong with your school?"

wow, JACKPOT, i thought.

so i said, "YEAH i know, tell me about it. so next time if they detain me in the discipline room, you come to school and talk to the teachers okay?"

she was like, "for sure i'll come to school, they don't expect you to keep dyeing your hair right."

okay cool :)

my mom then said, "but tell me the truth, did you or did you not dye your hair brown or gold or whatever?"

"well i did but only once, and that's last year during the december month school break. and anyway after school started this year i kept dyeing my hair back to black right, but the teachers continue picking on me anyway." then i tried looking very very innocent.

so my mom nodded, and then she said okay she'll come to school if i get dragged to the shitty discipline room again. "and su ann, tell your teacher even your mom used to have naturally brown hair, and your grandmother had even browner hair, and lisa too."

:D i was like, "perfect."

and you know, think about it rationally pls. hair dyes don't last that long, plus i wash my hair every day, so the brown dye that i used LASTfuckingYEAR wouldn't have lasted so long till now, right? in addition to the fact that i've dyed my hair black at least twice this year, my hair can't be artificially brown, right?

okay, maybe there are obvious light brown strands here or there, but overall i don't think it's a really in-your-face kind of dyed brown colour, right?

PLUS, all hair dye fade away. the brown hair dye would have TOTALLY faded away by now, plus the black hair dye as well. so my hair right now, IT'S COMPLETELY BLOODY NATURAL. except for a few strands here and there, i guess.

other than that, the brown hair thing runs in the family okay. all my cousins and lisa used to get into trouble for their hair colour. and my mom had natural brown hair when she was younger. so it's a sort of gene thing, right, regardless of whether i HAD dyed my hair or not.

yeah you can see i've given this matter a lot of thought. so that when i'm back at my godawful school on monday, they can't do shit at me.

actually you know what all the above reasons won't work with the teachers. the most important thing is of course that -

my mom is on my side :P

which is a good thing, cos my dad specifically told me he's never coming to school again, after coming twice. thank you mr R, you have a big ass. and pn H, god keep your hands to yourself. and mrs C, my friendster is none of your business thank you very much.

grrrrrrrr.

but it's not really my fault, or any of the other students fault that 90% of the prefects are suck ups and 110% of the discipline teachers are like ...

i mean, how are we supposed to know what rules to obey when the teachers MAKE THEM UP along the way? and what's wrong with tying a bun to school? why should a girl with straight shoulder-length hair PLAIT it, when it looks perfectly neat in a ponytail? why is it against the god almighty rules to let girls pluck their eyebrows? AND for pete's sake, how the fuck can they throw away our mirrors and combs and spare earrings??

Lessons from Phuket.

1. Don't wear shorts unless you enjoy being mistaken as a trans/hooker/stripper.

2. Don't ask for the price of something if you're just not interested, and you're just asking for the sake of asking. Because then the salesperson will think you're interested, and will continue bugging you till you run away.

3. Don't bargain with the salesperson and then walk away, or if you aint gonna buy the product. Because then the salesperson will get annoyed and beat you up.

4. When bargaining, always ask for a price at least 50% lesser than what the salesperson is offering.

5. Don't cross the roads without looking left and right about 397610289 times.

6. DON'T SEND MESSAGES USING YOUR MALAYSIAN LINE. because one text message cost fuckin rm2. alas, i learned this lesson too late :( after like rm32 gone, actually.

7. Weather is unpredictable and often very cruel (as in, it's cold all the time.)

8. There seem to be only one major shopping mall in Phuket. and VNC there is totally 5 times more expensive than Vincci here.

Other Stuff Not Worth Mentioning (But I'm Totally Blogging About Them Anyway.)

1. I love AirAsia's flight attendants' uniforms. i mean hell, it's red and it's tight and it's sexy. and now instead of dreaming to become a world-class book author, i'm dreaming to be a flight attendant wtf. somebody wake me up.

2. Beer and alcohol drinks are seriously fckin cheap in Phuket. all night long beer for 30Baht, LIKE HELLO?? that's rm3 to you, mister.



3. there's like a lot of 7-11s over there. which is nice .. i mean, something familiar finally. and some shop named Family Mart keeps popping up. weird thing is, i don't see families hanging outside the mart. i see lots of hookers actually.

4. the van drivers in Phuket seem to be under the impression they're racing against time in a Formula One competition. GOD, you thought Malaysian Metrobuses were scary?? wait till you get inside a van in Phuket $##@!%^&.

5. and omg the street dogs over there right, so damn cuteee you knowww. they're not like normal roadside dogs you find in Msia; those dogs have class and respectable breeds dude! and they're always minding their own business, and they never bark around aimlessly or try to bite.



6. i hate circuses. hate hate hate. how can they encage and train like 5 tigers and 30 elephants for the show Phuket Fantasea?? who cares if they got license or not?? i don't care! it's just sad >:( but oh, i enjoyed holding that baby tiger cub in my handsss la.

7. i like the morning marmalade and strawberry jam served in the hotel that i stayed in.



the view from Royal Crown Hotel's pool and restaurant.

8. Phuket got so many tattoo shops larh!!! so niceee!!! :D okay i sound so fckin retarded. but i was totally fascinated like ofcourse, and every tattoo shop that i passed by, i took pictures of it. so yea i've got like fifty pictures now.












9. i wanted to ride in the tuk-tuks but my mom said they're even scarier than the vans.



10. i also wanted to go for the aqua shows and strip clubs, but if i go, my parents would come, and Jean is so obviously not gonna be allowed in and since nobody can babysit her, we didn't get to go after all. WHAT A WASTE MAN I TELL YOU. my mom saw those stuff, years ago. she said the trans and strippers fuck onstage.

11. I DIDN'T GET TO A SINGLE BEACH IN PHUKET WTF WTF WTF. am still heartbrokened :( because of the fcked up weather you see.

12. i didn't like the seafood there. not so much. i didn't even like the tomyam there. not so much. but i DID like the kangkung dish. very much :)



the seafood place we ate in. pretty pointless cos i only liked the kangkung wtf.




god why do i look so omg cacat. hey u know my mother was sooo damn pretty when she was younger? she was like a china doll!! and my dad had deep dimples and he was so hot. one day i'm gonna blog a picture of the two of them when they were much younger.

13. and you know, now only i thought about it, where do the phuket people go to watch movies?? i mean, not a lot of shoping complex there you know. in fact i only saw and entered one.

14. my camera is totally screwed and daddy said he's buying me a new one!!! omg i love my daddy hahaha.



15. i packed 2 shorts and one miniskirt but all i wore those three days two nights were long jeans and a red sarong for the beach that i never got to step foot on :( anyway my friends are always saying my shorts are too short, but HEY you people didn't see the shorts the Phuket girls wore okayyy - their shorts would've put MY shorts to shame. because theirs are really short. like, only one strip of 7cm denim, covering only, and i mean ONLY their pussy and half of their ass.



16. the transexuals there are actually very pretty. and very nice and so omg friendly. they smile at everyone!

17. actually the bars and clubs there don't seem that different from the ones in Msia lorh. well yes there's ten bars/clubs like on every street but didn't seem so happening anyway.






this is where the whole street is filled with bars and clubs.


and oh yeah, Random Pictures.







this is some grill BBQ stall. i bought one chicken stick, but they tasted like something NOT chicken.













so pretty :) Patong Beach reminds me of our very own Petaling Street, except we've got nicer salespeople. and we got pirated VCDs, they don't have hahaha.




i look stupid here, ya i know. i was trying hard not to laughhh okay, this guy (from the tattoo shop which i took a picture of above) was totally cracking me up.




out at the sea, on the cruise ship, with the wind and the sun and lots of ang mohs HAHAHA. i swear to god 90% of the people on the cruise were European foreigners.










the huge buffet restaurant we ate in on the first night there.

here's a scenario.

you think that doing something might make you feel better.

you think it's what you want, it's what you really, really, really need to do to ease your pain a little; as an output source to release all your pent-up frustration and anger. and you don't care what happens to yourself, because you just need to do it. you're hurt and you're confused, and only that one particular thing and action makes you feel better, even if it means you're hurting and inflicting more pain onto yourself in the long run.

but you're not stupid. you know it isn't right. you know you're supposed to do something else, some other healthy good clean fun stuff to make yourself feel better about Yourself. you just don't want to.

and so you continue doing what you do.

the first time you do it, you're satisfied. and you bask in the excitement and exhilaration, the fact that you're keeping a dirty secret of your own and nobody knows and nobody has to know. and you think by doing what you do, you'll feel better about yourself. much, much better.

after a couple of times you realise you're no longer in control.

but the action gets repetitive, and becomes a routine. and this particular thing you do to escape from your reality for just a little while, this thing .. this action .. this sick activity .. it gets easier physically everytime, but you're drained emotionally.

the first cut is the deepest.

what's your greatest fear? what do you do to escape? what is it you hide from everyone else?

smoking? cutting yourself? getting wasted on drugs? or making yourself vomit after every meal?

but the real questions are - what do you do, when you realise you're not getting better?; how do you reach out, knowing you're being judged?; how are you supposed to stop, when you've lost all control?

and .. how do you get help?

i think i'm supposed to be feeling more. like, feeling more emotions - loneliness, happiness, sadness, alltheotheremotions-ness. but i don't feel any different. nothing has really changed. why am i not feeling anything much?

wtf.

the boyf left for Australia yesterday night for two whole weeks, maybe more. his mom said to him, now she'll (Su Ann'll) finally be free from you for two weeks. hahaha, i find that refreshingly funny.

i miss him. of course i do. he's my boyfriend of one year and 14 days. and i miss the walls of his house. yesterday i sat down at the steps and watched him pack the remainder of his stuff and stared at the walls and inhaled the air of the house. breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out.

but hey i guess it's only two weeks.

so it'll be school as usual till friday, then on sat we leave for Phuket (i seriously dunno what my family and me are gonna do there except lie on the beach, and i doubt they'll let me out at night to experience like the omfg cun nightlife, because it's a foreign place after all and i don't know my way around), and on monday we get back here i think.

you know what this means?

it means i've got TUES, WED, THURS, FRI, SAT and SUN NEXT WEEK FREE, plus it'll be the holidays after all :D

and you know what that means?

i'm totally up for making holiday plans, like NOW :D

i think i have a clear idea about where this is heading.

i just don't wanna believe it's actually happening.

lots of people say it's better to have loved and lost, than to not love at all.

...

well, i say it's just a whole lot of bullshit.

to be led blindly by a touch, to love without resistance. i've done all that. and i'm still not a converted believer.

i am a pessimistic person, through and through.

but i am a romantic.

and i am angry at myself.

i watched Rise: Blood Hunter yesterday at Leisure Mall.





yeah i know LM has sucky cinemas, but ... THEY HAVE GREAT POPCORNS YOU KNOW!!!

:D

anyway. the movie is 18-and-above rated, and although it usually isn't a problem for me, GSC at leisure mall is actually very strict about this shit, so produce a proper fake ID before you attempt to buy tickets, if you're underage.

or just get your 21-year-old boyfriend to buy it for you.

the movie is suprisingly good, for a vampire flick. lots of naked bodies and blood and sex and cursing. and i was seated next to this bunch of Malay girls who kept giggling and going "ish, ni yang i tak suka ni!!" everytime some guy and girl gets undressed and ready to fuck.

plus Lucy Liu, who plays the main character, is just way hot.

and you know what, i think i've watched way too many movies this year.

...

oh yeah. tia, faus and me hung out at tia's place after school today and we watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

which was just so omfg scary. but sorta enlightening and totally spiritual in a way.

i am not even gonna think about it now, cos it's late and i'll be sleeping in a while.

...

i am so officially fuckin freaked out right now :'(

THANKS A LOT TIA AND FAUS, WHO KEPT LAUGHING AT ME FOR SQUEEZING MY EYES SHUT AT ALL THE HORRIBLE PARTS.